Friday, July 14, 2006
Stepmother and other family issues
Dear Guidance Guy,
I'm the fourth oldest in a step-family with seven kids. I share a room with my ditsy older stepsister and have to share the house with my former classmate, Brandon, (but he's going to the same high school as I am). He's the most annoying person in the entire world !He calls me Barbie (I have no idea why!) and makes fun of me because I'm mostly friends with guys. He's always going into my room and doing really sneaky, passive aggressive things to make me mad. I try not to let him know how much he's bugging me, but obviously it doesn't work because he continues to do it!
We live in the country and have a pool and dogs and stuff. When I first saw the house my dad told me we'd move to, I was so excited! I'd be able to swim whenever I wanted, ride my bike anywhere, go exploring and climbing and all sorts of stuff but since I have so many kids in the house, I can hardly swim and have so many chores!
Brandon always has his friends over and they're in the pool and he hardly has any chores. I know that everybody has to do chores, but I have more than anybody! My new mum is okay and everything but she's no replacement for my real mum (she died when I was eight). She's a bit nicer to her own children and is constantly telling me that I need to be more feminine.
So these are my questions: Why does Brandon bug me so much? (He has plenty of other people AND an older sister!) Why can't my step-mum treat me fairly....and is there anything wrong with being friends with boys? {They're easier to trust and more fun}
Thanks for reading this and I hope you can answer.
Upset and annoyed,
Megs
*** *** ***
Dear Megs,
I think Brandon is bugging you because he knows he can. Whatever you're doing to hide it isn't working. The only way to not be bugged by him is to REALLY not be bugged by him. Once you move past your anger at him he will sense you aren't a target anymore and move onto someone else (or maybe even grow up!)
Your stepmother probably does treat you fairly as far as she's concerned. She sees things through her own eyes - by the way, you do not need to be more feminine, you only need to be yourself. But that may answer why you seem to get more chores. It seems like she has certain expectations about what roles are for males and what are for females. "Ladylike" and domestic chores go to you.
There's nothing wrong with being friends with boys, or anyone else who you like and treats you well. Climbing on rocks all day and coming home with scraped knees and bug bites may not be your stepmother's idea of a perfect day. But as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, go for it!
Hope That Helps,
The Guidance Guy
I'm the fourth oldest in a step-family with seven kids. I share a room with my ditsy older stepsister and have to share the house with my former classmate, Brandon, (but he's going to the same high school as I am). He's the most annoying person in the entire world !He calls me Barbie (I have no idea why!) and makes fun of me because I'm mostly friends with guys. He's always going into my room and doing really sneaky, passive aggressive things to make me mad. I try not to let him know how much he's bugging me, but obviously it doesn't work because he continues to do it!
We live in the country and have a pool and dogs and stuff. When I first saw the house my dad told me we'd move to, I was so excited! I'd be able to swim whenever I wanted, ride my bike anywhere, go exploring and climbing and all sorts of stuff but since I have so many kids in the house, I can hardly swim and have so many chores!
Brandon always has his friends over and they're in the pool and he hardly has any chores. I know that everybody has to do chores, but I have more than anybody! My new mum is okay and everything but she's no replacement for my real mum (she died when I was eight). She's a bit nicer to her own children and is constantly telling me that I need to be more feminine.
So these are my questions: Why does Brandon bug me so much? (He has plenty of other people AND an older sister!) Why can't my step-mum treat me fairly....and is there anything wrong with being friends with boys? {They're easier to trust and more fun}
Thanks for reading this and I hope you can answer.
Upset and annoyed,
Megs
*** *** ***
Dear Megs,
I think Brandon is bugging you because he knows he can. Whatever you're doing to hide it isn't working. The only way to not be bugged by him is to REALLY not be bugged by him. Once you move past your anger at him he will sense you aren't a target anymore and move onto someone else (or maybe even grow up!)
Your stepmother probably does treat you fairly as far as she's concerned. She sees things through her own eyes - by the way, you do not need to be more feminine, you only need to be yourself. But that may answer why you seem to get more chores. It seems like she has certain expectations about what roles are for males and what are for females. "Ladylike" and domestic chores go to you.
There's nothing wrong with being friends with boys, or anyone else who you like and treats you well. Climbing on rocks all day and coming home with scraped knees and bug bites may not be your stepmother's idea of a perfect day. But as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, go for it!
Hope That Helps,
The Guidance Guy
