Saturday, July 01, 2006
Judgement By Appearance?
Dear Guidance Guy,
A while ago, I decided to dye my hair black. Before that I had dyed my hair red, but I got bored of it. The day I walked into school, people started calling me "emo", suicidal and a bunch of other stuff. I also get called anorexic a lot because I'm really small for my age. I'm not emo nor am I anorexic, I just like the color black and I don't like to eat, but everyone is always trying to make my life miserable because of this.
I don't want to change who I am, but I do want to be treated as a human who deserves respect. One time, I was just walking to my math class when someone I didn't even know threw food at me and shouted down the hall, "Here emo kid, eat and then you can go cut your wrists!" I was so upset. I don't think I deserve to be treated like this, but shouldn't I be entitled to be an individual and have my hair a certain way? I wish people would stop, do you have any suggestions?
Signed,
Black Haired Anorexic Freak. (NOT!)
*****
Dear B.H.A.F. (N.)
You are absolutely entitled to be an individual. When I was in high school it was right before earrings started becoming acceptable on guys. The ones who chose to put them on risked all kinds of social consequences. Along with the choices you make comes the possibility that someone with very poor manners and no self-respect will throw food at you and say something stupid. I'm sorry it happened to you this time. I certainly hope you let someone in charge know what happened and it was handled.
Most (not all) of the time, people who have the most self-confidence are the ones who get picked on the least. The ones with less self-confidence either get picked on most or become the ones who do the bullying. It looks like there's a group of kids in your school who don't have a lot of confidence so they pick on someone who looks and acts different from the crowd. I'll also bet there are kids who respect everyone no matter how they choose to dress, eat, etc. Are you spending any time getting to know them? Are you sending out signals that let them you you're really a nice kid?
I guarantee not everyone is trying to make your life miserable. But if that's the way you're thinking about it, that's what you'll attract. Keep in mind the type of kids who see through black hair, goth clothing, etc and discover the great person inside. And be happy with yourself. Be proud of the courage you have to be an individual. If you can do those things, the right people will show up in your life and the others will fade away.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
A while ago, I decided to dye my hair black. Before that I had dyed my hair red, but I got bored of it. The day I walked into school, people started calling me "emo", suicidal and a bunch of other stuff. I also get called anorexic a lot because I'm really small for my age. I'm not emo nor am I anorexic, I just like the color black and I don't like to eat, but everyone is always trying to make my life miserable because of this.
I don't want to change who I am, but I do want to be treated as a human who deserves respect. One time, I was just walking to my math class when someone I didn't even know threw food at me and shouted down the hall, "Here emo kid, eat and then you can go cut your wrists!" I was so upset. I don't think I deserve to be treated like this, but shouldn't I be entitled to be an individual and have my hair a certain way? I wish people would stop, do you have any suggestions?
Signed,
Black Haired Anorexic Freak. (NOT!)
*****
Dear B.H.A.F. (N.)
You are absolutely entitled to be an individual. When I was in high school it was right before earrings started becoming acceptable on guys. The ones who chose to put them on risked all kinds of social consequences. Along with the choices you make comes the possibility that someone with very poor manners and no self-respect will throw food at you and say something stupid. I'm sorry it happened to you this time. I certainly hope you let someone in charge know what happened and it was handled.
Most (not all) of the time, people who have the most self-confidence are the ones who get picked on the least. The ones with less self-confidence either get picked on most or become the ones who do the bullying. It looks like there's a group of kids in your school who don't have a lot of confidence so they pick on someone who looks and acts different from the crowd. I'll also bet there are kids who respect everyone no matter how they choose to dress, eat, etc. Are you spending any time getting to know them? Are you sending out signals that let them you you're really a nice kid?
I guarantee not everyone is trying to make your life miserable. But if that's the way you're thinking about it, that's what you'll attract. Keep in mind the type of kids who see through black hair, goth clothing, etc and discover the great person inside. And be happy with yourself. Be proud of the courage you have to be an individual. If you can do those things, the right people will show up in your life and the others will fade away.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
