Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Can a Hero Be a Friend?
Dear Guidance Guy
I'm one of the kids that doesn't like to talk about the things that bug them. Well, at the beginning of this school year I began to develop a friendship with one of my teachers. My dad being a bad alcoholic really bugged me and he scared me but I was too scared to talk about it to anyone. Towards the end of the first quarter I really opened up to this teacher. He was the first person I told about my life at home and my problems. He really helped me a lot. Just being there for me to talk to really did do me a lot of good. Unlike my brother who can talk to his friends I could talk to a teacher but he also was a friend of mine.
Well this started out to be probably one of the best years in my life until my grandpa went into the hospital. He was fine but when he finally got to return home we brought him dinner. When we reached his house we got news that our house was on fire. When I finally reached home I was told it was my room and I lost everything in my room. It was a total loss. Well when I returned to school I really didn't talk much and this teacher gave me time figuring that was what I needed. About two weeks later my dog had to get put to sleep because of old age, and then a tree fell on my uncle.
While all of this was taking place I began to see this teacher as my hero. I never had a chance to tell him because he began to become extremely good friends with another teacher who strongly doesn't like me. I tried talking to him but everytime she was around he would push me away. I kind of gave up hope. Then I was bored one day so on a piece of paper I wrote he is ours and you can't have him. This made my favorite teacher angry because of what it said but I was angry because I couldn't talk to him. He got ahold of that piece of paper and turned it into the office. I was called down but nothing was done. He and another teacher surrounded me in the hall about it but it kind of scared me so to everything I was like "I don't know." Then he wanted to talk to me so my guidance counselor and I went down to talk to him. All he said is that there were different ways of percieving that piece of paper. He also said he knew I would be mad but that I would eventually get over it.
For the next two weeks guidance kept me out of his class. Finally I decided to go back down. When I did he was happy but I still don't forgive him. He betrayed me and was supposed to be a true friend. I also was told that without me in his class he went crazy because I wasnt there to give my fellow classmates a helping hand. Well now I still can't forgive him and I feel extremely lost without my hero. I also call the other teacher a hero stealer.
I want help. What should I do...go back to him and try to be friends even though he betrayed me or just try to forget him? Please help me.
Thanks,
Cortney
*****
Dear Cortney,
You had a very rough time there and your teacher did everything he knew to help you through it. He seems like a great guy. But the thing that's important for you to understand right now is there is a boundary between student and teacher that almost never crossed.
Your use of the word "hero" to describe your teacher is very interesting. To me a hero is someone who has super powers - ones that you don't have. Your teacher was there for you when you needed him and did things no one else could do for you at the time. He may be a hero to you. But it is very difficult to be friends with a hero. You can admire him, respect him, even love him. But friendship is something that happens between equals. And in some very important ways, your teacher is not an equal.
I can understand your teacher getting nervous about that note - it could be perceived as a threat. And at that time I'm sure you were very emotional with everything happening in your life. So people took it seriously and became concerned for your well being, and their own.
The answer to your question is neither. Don't go back to tyring to be friends because the true friend relationship was ever there. And don't try to forget him either. He helped you through a difficult part of your life and you can always appreciate that. The best thing is to move onto the next part of your life with people your own age. And if you're having a hard time making friends, just be comfortable with yourself for a while. Liking yourself is the key to making friends. People want to be friends others who are fun and easy to be around. Take it easy for a while and be grateful for a teacher who helped you. Then just be yourself...that's good enough.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I'm one of the kids that doesn't like to talk about the things that bug them. Well, at the beginning of this school year I began to develop a friendship with one of my teachers. My dad being a bad alcoholic really bugged me and he scared me but I was too scared to talk about it to anyone. Towards the end of the first quarter I really opened up to this teacher. He was the first person I told about my life at home and my problems. He really helped me a lot. Just being there for me to talk to really did do me a lot of good. Unlike my brother who can talk to his friends I could talk to a teacher but he also was a friend of mine.
Well this started out to be probably one of the best years in my life until my grandpa went into the hospital. He was fine but when he finally got to return home we brought him dinner. When we reached his house we got news that our house was on fire. When I finally reached home I was told it was my room and I lost everything in my room. It was a total loss. Well when I returned to school I really didn't talk much and this teacher gave me time figuring that was what I needed. About two weeks later my dog had to get put to sleep because of old age, and then a tree fell on my uncle.
While all of this was taking place I began to see this teacher as my hero. I never had a chance to tell him because he began to become extremely good friends with another teacher who strongly doesn't like me. I tried talking to him but everytime she was around he would push me away. I kind of gave up hope. Then I was bored one day so on a piece of paper I wrote he is ours and you can't have him. This made my favorite teacher angry because of what it said but I was angry because I couldn't talk to him. He got ahold of that piece of paper and turned it into the office. I was called down but nothing was done. He and another teacher surrounded me in the hall about it but it kind of scared me so to everything I was like "I don't know." Then he wanted to talk to me so my guidance counselor and I went down to talk to him. All he said is that there were different ways of percieving that piece of paper. He also said he knew I would be mad but that I would eventually get over it.
For the next two weeks guidance kept me out of his class. Finally I decided to go back down. When I did he was happy but I still don't forgive him. He betrayed me and was supposed to be a true friend. I also was told that without me in his class he went crazy because I wasnt there to give my fellow classmates a helping hand. Well now I still can't forgive him and I feel extremely lost without my hero. I also call the other teacher a hero stealer.
I want help. What should I do...go back to him and try to be friends even though he betrayed me or just try to forget him? Please help me.
Thanks,
Cortney
*****
Dear Cortney,
You had a very rough time there and your teacher did everything he knew to help you through it. He seems like a great guy. But the thing that's important for you to understand right now is there is a boundary between student and teacher that almost never crossed.
Your use of the word "hero" to describe your teacher is very interesting. To me a hero is someone who has super powers - ones that you don't have. Your teacher was there for you when you needed him and did things no one else could do for you at the time. He may be a hero to you. But it is very difficult to be friends with a hero. You can admire him, respect him, even love him. But friendship is something that happens between equals. And in some very important ways, your teacher is not an equal.
I can understand your teacher getting nervous about that note - it could be perceived as a threat. And at that time I'm sure you were very emotional with everything happening in your life. So people took it seriously and became concerned for your well being, and their own.
The answer to your question is neither. Don't go back to tyring to be friends because the true friend relationship was ever there. And don't try to forget him either. He helped you through a difficult part of your life and you can always appreciate that. The best thing is to move onto the next part of your life with people your own age. And if you're having a hard time making friends, just be comfortable with yourself for a while. Liking yourself is the key to making friends. People want to be friends others who are fun and easy to be around. Take it easy for a while and be grateful for a teacher who helped you. Then just be yourself...that's good enough.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
