Friday, June 30, 2006
Bully Problem at the former school
Dear Guidance Guy,
Several years back my daughter was confronted by four students: three boys and a girl. These kids pinned her to a fence and threatened to harm her. My daughter asked the girl, "why are you doing this?" The girl responded, "because it is fun!" The school had a limited number of teachers to watch the children at break time, so my daughter had to find one and explain what happened.
When I finally got ahold of the principal to express my concern, I reminded him that the student's right to a safe learning enviorment had beed violated. I asked the principal at the time if he could he guarantee my daughter's safety, to which he replied, "no I can't. I have too many students at this school to promise this." He also stated that it wasn't fair of me to say that the school had a problem with bullies. I then contacted the school board and their attitude was, "what did my daughter do to deserve this?"
To this day this has been on my mind because the very people that I thought I could trust with my daughter's education were more concerned with the rights of the bullies and how this would effect the image of their school. Needless to say my daughter has since graduated from this school, and many of her bullies received awards for outstanding leadership and conduct. My daughter has never been sent to the office or been in a detention, however this has affected her because she no longer beleived in this school and didn't feel like she should support the school. I had to agree with her.
WHEN WILL THIS ATTITUDE AMONGEST SOME TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS STOP??? The schools have anti-bullying programs in place but refuse to implement them. Then it becomes a matter of "he said, she said", which leads to "don't let it happen again."
Frustrated Parent
*****
Dear Frustrated,
I agree that there are definitely schools that can (and should) do a better job making sure bullying is as small a problem as possible. Some schools do look the other way or try and sweep the problem under the rug. There are also schools that do a fantastic job of creating an environment where bullying is not only not tolerated, it's just not cool. Teachers need to do very little policing because it's something the students don't tolerate amongst themselves. There are lots of great web sites to check out for anti-bullying information and programming. SafeYouth.org is one example.
I'm interested in what's bringing this up now. You mentioned your daughter graduated from this school already and you didn't say she is still being bullied. Are you upset because the other students won good citizenship awards? It's possible these other kids outgrew their behavior and actually did become role models. It's a good bet your daughter is picking up on your anger.
Decide what it is you want. If it's to solve a bullying problem at her former school (and you don't have any younger children there) it really is the responsibility of the administration, teachers and current parents and students. If it's to "get back" at the kids that bullied your daughter, it won't do you, her or them any good. I suggest you and your daughter do the best you can to move forward. If further incidents happen, you'll know what to do. If not, let it go.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
Several years back my daughter was confronted by four students: three boys and a girl. These kids pinned her to a fence and threatened to harm her. My daughter asked the girl, "why are you doing this?" The girl responded, "because it is fun!" The school had a limited number of teachers to watch the children at break time, so my daughter had to find one and explain what happened.
When I finally got ahold of the principal to express my concern, I reminded him that the student's right to a safe learning enviorment had beed violated. I asked the principal at the time if he could he guarantee my daughter's safety, to which he replied, "no I can't. I have too many students at this school to promise this." He also stated that it wasn't fair of me to say that the school had a problem with bullies. I then contacted the school board and their attitude was, "what did my daughter do to deserve this?"
To this day this has been on my mind because the very people that I thought I could trust with my daughter's education were more concerned with the rights of the bullies and how this would effect the image of their school. Needless to say my daughter has since graduated from this school, and many of her bullies received awards for outstanding leadership and conduct. My daughter has never been sent to the office or been in a detention, however this has affected her because she no longer beleived in this school and didn't feel like she should support the school. I had to agree with her.
WHEN WILL THIS ATTITUDE AMONGEST SOME TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS STOP??? The schools have anti-bullying programs in place but refuse to implement them. Then it becomes a matter of "he said, she said", which leads to "don't let it happen again."
Frustrated Parent
*****
Dear Frustrated,
I agree that there are definitely schools that can (and should) do a better job making sure bullying is as small a problem as possible. Some schools do look the other way or try and sweep the problem under the rug. There are also schools that do a fantastic job of creating an environment where bullying is not only not tolerated, it's just not cool. Teachers need to do very little policing because it's something the students don't tolerate amongst themselves. There are lots of great web sites to check out for anti-bullying information and programming. SafeYouth.org is one example.
I'm interested in what's bringing this up now. You mentioned your daughter graduated from this school already and you didn't say she is still being bullied. Are you upset because the other students won good citizenship awards? It's possible these other kids outgrew their behavior and actually did become role models. It's a good bet your daughter is picking up on your anger.
Decide what it is you want. If it's to solve a bullying problem at her former school (and you don't have any younger children there) it really is the responsibility of the administration, teachers and current parents and students. If it's to "get back" at the kids that bullied your daughter, it won't do you, her or them any good. I suggest you and your daughter do the best you can to move forward. If further incidents happen, you'll know what to do. If not, let it go.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
