Sunday, May 21, 2006
With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
Dear Guidance Guy,
One of my friends always tries to cut me out of conversations, always talks about me to her other friends, and somehow, all of our conversations together always end up being about her! She deliberately plans surprise parties without me, but with another "good friend." And no, none of those parties have been for me. She is always telling me how bad I am at doing things, too, like singing. I know some of this means she is insecure with herself, I think, but I sometimes wonder if it's all true about what she says about and to me. I know it all can't be completely true, but what about partially?
Anyway, she should not be bringing me down like this. I've cried myself to sleep because of her. I've held in tears for hours to get into my bed, hug my dog, and let out all the tears because of her. I've been trying to get away from her, but all the other kids in my class aren't nice or friendly either. I've got classes with good friends that really do care, but I have most of the day with her.
I need advice on what to do, whether to make new friends in those classes and how to make them, or to just suck it up for the rest of my life.
My friend is mean, please help,
J
*****
Dear J,
Let's get one thing straight- this girl is not your friend. She has made it perfectly clear she doesn't like you. She doesn't treat you well. She puts you down. She schemes behind your back. As the old saying goes, "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"
It doesn't matter whether or not she's insecure with herself or what she thinks about you, because she is not someone you need in your life in any way. Who cares what she thinks about your singing? I'd be more concerned about what someone who likes you thinks. And I really wouldn't care much about that either! I'd be most concerned about what YOU think about yourself!
You don't need to get away from her. Leave her be. Don't include her in your group of friends or in your conversations. This doesn't mean you have to be enemies. Just let her be where she is. Don't talk badly about her to anyone. If anyone asks just tell them you and she don't see things the same way.
You don't have to make friends with anyone in the classes she's in. Just focus on the school work and be happy with yourself. It will be much easier to make new friends if you aren't so worried about this one girl. And if you don't, you still have your friends in the other classes.
Just be yourself. That's ALWAYS good enough.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
One of my friends always tries to cut me out of conversations, always talks about me to her other friends, and somehow, all of our conversations together always end up being about her! She deliberately plans surprise parties without me, but with another "good friend." And no, none of those parties have been for me. She is always telling me how bad I am at doing things, too, like singing. I know some of this means she is insecure with herself, I think, but I sometimes wonder if it's all true about what she says about and to me. I know it all can't be completely true, but what about partially?
Anyway, she should not be bringing me down like this. I've cried myself to sleep because of her. I've held in tears for hours to get into my bed, hug my dog, and let out all the tears because of her. I've been trying to get away from her, but all the other kids in my class aren't nice or friendly either. I've got classes with good friends that really do care, but I have most of the day with her.
I need advice on what to do, whether to make new friends in those classes and how to make them, or to just suck it up for the rest of my life.
My friend is mean, please help,
J
*****
Dear J,
Let's get one thing straight- this girl is not your friend. She has made it perfectly clear she doesn't like you. She doesn't treat you well. She puts you down. She schemes behind your back. As the old saying goes, "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"
It doesn't matter whether or not she's insecure with herself or what she thinks about you, because she is not someone you need in your life in any way. Who cares what she thinks about your singing? I'd be more concerned about what someone who likes you thinks. And I really wouldn't care much about that either! I'd be most concerned about what YOU think about yourself!
You don't need to get away from her. Leave her be. Don't include her in your group of friends or in your conversations. This doesn't mean you have to be enemies. Just let her be where she is. Don't talk badly about her to anyone. If anyone asks just tell them you and she don't see things the same way.
You don't have to make friends with anyone in the classes she's in. Just focus on the school work and be happy with yourself. It will be much easier to make new friends if you aren't so worried about this one girl. And if you don't, you still have your friends in the other classes.
Just be yourself. That's ALWAYS good enough.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
