Wednesday, May 31, 2006
My friends are racist...
Dear Guidance Guy,
My best friends are always so racist when they're around other people and they KNOW that I am completely anti-racist, but when they're around me they say stuff like " being racist is so stupid" which it is, but then they go and change around other people. They are obsessed with being popular.
Last year was a rollercoaster of emotion and we were strong and promised to be best friends but now I think that they forgot about it and don't even notice me. How am I supposed to ask them not to be so rude around me without them turning against me?
Why are they like that,
Confused
*****
Dear Confused,
When people want to be popular they will sometimes say and do things they would never do at other times. Your friends seem to be caught up in this right now. Hopefully as they get more mature they'll stop.
It seems like your bigger problem isn't their racism - it's wanting to keep them as friends and not having them turn against you. The bigger question is, do you want to be friends with them right now? Or do you want to be best friends? It doesn't look like you have very much in common at the moment. They say and do things you aren't comfortable with. And they don't even notice you! That doesn't sound like the kind of best friends I'd want to have.
The answer is to be happy and comfortable with yourself. If you are moving in a different direction, let them go their way and you go yours. I'm sure there are other people you can be close friends with. You don't have to give up your friendship with your current best friends. Just put in the time and energy you want. When they start talking in ways that make you uncomfortable, back off.
And if they turn against you for sticking up for your beliefs, they aren't the kind of friends you need. Let other people become your new friends.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
My best friends are always so racist when they're around other people and they KNOW that I am completely anti-racist, but when they're around me they say stuff like " being racist is so stupid" which it is, but then they go and change around other people. They are obsessed with being popular.
Last year was a rollercoaster of emotion and we were strong and promised to be best friends but now I think that they forgot about it and don't even notice me. How am I supposed to ask them not to be so rude around me without them turning against me?
Why are they like that,
Confused
*****
Dear Confused,
When people want to be popular they will sometimes say and do things they would never do at other times. Your friends seem to be caught up in this right now. Hopefully as they get more mature they'll stop.
It seems like your bigger problem isn't their racism - it's wanting to keep them as friends and not having them turn against you. The bigger question is, do you want to be friends with them right now? Or do you want to be best friends? It doesn't look like you have very much in common at the moment. They say and do things you aren't comfortable with. And they don't even notice you! That doesn't sound like the kind of best friends I'd want to have.
The answer is to be happy and comfortable with yourself. If you are moving in a different direction, let them go their way and you go yours. I'm sure there are other people you can be close friends with. You don't have to give up your friendship with your current best friends. Just put in the time and energy you want. When they start talking in ways that make you uncomfortable, back off.
And if they turn against you for sticking up for your beliefs, they aren't the kind of friends you need. Let other people become your new friends.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
