Monday, May 01, 2006
Kid In The Middle
Dear Guidance Guy,
Please help me! My parents fight all the time. My mom yells at my dad and tells him that she hates him. My dad just sits there and takes it from her. But when it is just me and my dad he dishes my mom and it hurts me! Plus when my mom gets frustrated she takes it out on me. Once she told me that she hated me, another time she told me that she wanted me to die. It makes me depressed and often I cry myself to sleep.
Sincerely,
Unwanted
*****
Dear Unwanted,
The first thing you need to know - and you may have trouble believing this at the moment - is that you are NOT unwanted. My guess is you are very much loved by two parents who are so angry at each other that they make terrible mistakes. I'm sure there are better ways of saying this, but your parents are acting very immaturely. Many things happen with adults over the course of years. They get angry over something and never figure out how to talk it out. Or they got married for the wrong reasons and regret it later. Or they didn't get to do something they always wanted to do and take it out on each other...or their kids. Is this fair? Absolutely not.
But as you can see, it's real. And it's happening to you right now. For the time being you will need some inner strength. You need to know that NONE of what's happening with your parents is your fault. And if you're feeling brave you can tell them that what they say about each other hurts you and you don't want to hear about it. You can even show them this letter if you think it will help.
Many schools have support groups for kids who are going through the kind of trouble you have right now. Sometimes it's for kids whose parents are divorced or for kids who have trouble at home like yours. Ask your guidance counselor or teacher for help. They may be able to put you in touch with a group that will listen and understand.
You are going through a difficult time in your life right now. It may get worse before it gets better. But I want you to know that there are people who care about you. Once your parents get past their own misery they may have an easier time expressing it. And you can be your own friend for a while.
I think it's cool that you were willing to ask for help. It's a good sign that you will come out of this stronger and happier.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
Please help me! My parents fight all the time. My mom yells at my dad and tells him that she hates him. My dad just sits there and takes it from her. But when it is just me and my dad he dishes my mom and it hurts me! Plus when my mom gets frustrated she takes it out on me. Once she told me that she hated me, another time she told me that she wanted me to die. It makes me depressed and often I cry myself to sleep.
Sincerely,
Unwanted
*****
Dear Unwanted,
The first thing you need to know - and you may have trouble believing this at the moment - is that you are NOT unwanted. My guess is you are very much loved by two parents who are so angry at each other that they make terrible mistakes. I'm sure there are better ways of saying this, but your parents are acting very immaturely. Many things happen with adults over the course of years. They get angry over something and never figure out how to talk it out. Or they got married for the wrong reasons and regret it later. Or they didn't get to do something they always wanted to do and take it out on each other...or their kids. Is this fair? Absolutely not.
But as you can see, it's real. And it's happening to you right now. For the time being you will need some inner strength. You need to know that NONE of what's happening with your parents is your fault. And if you're feeling brave you can tell them that what they say about each other hurts you and you don't want to hear about it. You can even show them this letter if you think it will help.
Many schools have support groups for kids who are going through the kind of trouble you have right now. Sometimes it's for kids whose parents are divorced or for kids who have trouble at home like yours. Ask your guidance counselor or teacher for help. They may be able to put you in touch with a group that will listen and understand.
You are going through a difficult time in your life right now. It may get worse before it gets better. But I want you to know that there are people who care about you. Once your parents get past their own misery they may have an easier time expressing it. And you can be your own friend for a while.
I think it's cool that you were willing to ask for help. It's a good sign that you will come out of this stronger and happier.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
