Friday, May 26, 2006
Fighting Best Friends
Dear Guidance Guy,
I have two great best friends. I'll call them Hil and Brit. Brit is really close to this guy that Hil likes, and whenever Brit would hug him, Hil would get very upset. Once she even talked about ending their four year friendship! I would try to explain to Hil that Brit is just good friends with this guy, but Hil won't listen to me. So about twice a week Brit and Hil get into a fight over this guy; Hil being too protective and Brit being too close to him.
I am always stuck in the middle of their fights, no matter how hard I try to stay out of them! How can I explain to Hil that she shouldn't get mad over hugs and talking? And that there is no reason to be so protective over a guy that considers her a best friend rather than a girlfriend? Please help! I have been battling this for four weeks.
Sincerely,
Lost in Crisis
*****
Dear Lost,
Since you're in the middle of this situation it's easier for me to see things than it is for you. So I'll tell you what I see...
There's a good chance this friendship between Brit and the guy is going to turn into something more. Most of the best romantic relationships start out as friendships. Then they naturally grow into something more. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact it's great.
All this tension is happening because people are doing and saying things that don't work in this situation. Hil has no claim on this guy and doesn't have a right to be upset. If she likes him and wants something more, she can always let him know how she feels. Brit isn't too close to this guy. They get to choose how close they want to be.
And you're in the middle of something you don't belong in. Don't explain to Hil that Brit is just good friends with him, because it looks like it could be more. You're trying to keep things the way they are and trying to be referee between the other two. That's not your place. Whatever happens, happens. Hil and Brit have to grow and learn on their own. And the friendships may change with that happening.
The easiest thing for you to do is stop battling. You're trying to control something that's not controllable. Let nature take its course. Don't explain anything to anyone. Just be a friend to both of them.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I have two great best friends. I'll call them Hil and Brit. Brit is really close to this guy that Hil likes, and whenever Brit would hug him, Hil would get very upset. Once she even talked about ending their four year friendship! I would try to explain to Hil that Brit is just good friends with this guy, but Hil won't listen to me. So about twice a week Brit and Hil get into a fight over this guy; Hil being too protective and Brit being too close to him.
I am always stuck in the middle of their fights, no matter how hard I try to stay out of them! How can I explain to Hil that she shouldn't get mad over hugs and talking? And that there is no reason to be so protective over a guy that considers her a best friend rather than a girlfriend? Please help! I have been battling this for four weeks.
Sincerely,
Lost in Crisis
*****
Dear Lost,
Since you're in the middle of this situation it's easier for me to see things than it is for you. So I'll tell you what I see...
There's a good chance this friendship between Brit and the guy is going to turn into something more. Most of the best romantic relationships start out as friendships. Then they naturally grow into something more. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact it's great.
All this tension is happening because people are doing and saying things that don't work in this situation. Hil has no claim on this guy and doesn't have a right to be upset. If she likes him and wants something more, she can always let him know how she feels. Brit isn't too close to this guy. They get to choose how close they want to be.
And you're in the middle of something you don't belong in. Don't explain to Hil that Brit is just good friends with him, because it looks like it could be more. You're trying to keep things the way they are and trying to be referee between the other two. That's not your place. Whatever happens, happens. Hil and Brit have to grow and learn on their own. And the friendships may change with that happening.
The easiest thing for you to do is stop battling. You're trying to control something that's not controllable. Let nature take its course. Don't explain anything to anyone. Just be a friend to both of them.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
