Saturday, April 08, 2006
Doesn't Want To Lose Loud Friend (or any others)
Dear Guidance Guy,
I am 13 years old and rather shy. My best friend on the other hand is very loud and shouts at people whenever she gets annoyed. None of my other friends really like her. We cannot have any sort of discussion, or use mildly bad language without her going off. People stare at us, and it makes me uncomfortable, but she doesn't seem to care. I cannot stand watching people yell. My parents don't even approve of her as my friend, but she can be really neat if she's not near my other friends. It's always something stupid, like how much fun shoot-'em-games are, or if everyone should be a vegetarian. I try to mediate, but my other friends are relentless. I put part of the blame on them for being immature. I don't have many friends, and I don't want to lose any of them. What should I do?
Signed,
Stuck in the Middle
*****
Dear Stuck,
There's nothing wrong with having two different groups of friends. It doesn't seem as if your best friend and your other friends are meant to get along, so I wouldn't try to force anything. It's OK to accept the fact that they just don't mix well.
Are you in a position where you have to choose between the two? Unless there's a place - like the school cafeteria - where you're being pulled in two different directions I wouldn't worry about it. Let everyone choose who they want to be friends with, or not be friends with. It's not necessary to mediate.
Three other things. First, it's possible your friend will grow up some and not fly off the handle so easily. Then she'll be easier to deal with. Second, it looks as if you get annoyed with her, even to the point where you may want to back away from her a little bit. If so, you're allowed to make that choice.
And that leads me to the third thing. Don't be afraid to lose a friend you don't like hanging out with all that much. As you get older and more self-confident (and I promise you will) it will get easier to make friends. You won't worry about hanging onto them. More will come along. That's a Guidance Guy Guarantee!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I am 13 years old and rather shy. My best friend on the other hand is very loud and shouts at people whenever she gets annoyed. None of my other friends really like her. We cannot have any sort of discussion, or use mildly bad language without her going off. People stare at us, and it makes me uncomfortable, but she doesn't seem to care. I cannot stand watching people yell. My parents don't even approve of her as my friend, but she can be really neat if she's not near my other friends. It's always something stupid, like how much fun shoot-'em-games are, or if everyone should be a vegetarian. I try to mediate, but my other friends are relentless. I put part of the blame on them for being immature. I don't have many friends, and I don't want to lose any of them. What should I do?
Signed,
Stuck in the Middle
*****
Dear Stuck,
There's nothing wrong with having two different groups of friends. It doesn't seem as if your best friend and your other friends are meant to get along, so I wouldn't try to force anything. It's OK to accept the fact that they just don't mix well.
Are you in a position where you have to choose between the two? Unless there's a place - like the school cafeteria - where you're being pulled in two different directions I wouldn't worry about it. Let everyone choose who they want to be friends with, or not be friends with. It's not necessary to mediate.
Three other things. First, it's possible your friend will grow up some and not fly off the handle so easily. Then she'll be easier to deal with. Second, it looks as if you get annoyed with her, even to the point where you may want to back away from her a little bit. If so, you're allowed to make that choice.
And that leads me to the third thing. Don't be afraid to lose a friend you don't like hanging out with all that much. As you get older and more self-confident (and I promise you will) it will get easier to make friends. You won't worry about hanging onto them. More will come along. That's a Guidance Guy Guarantee!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
