Saturday, March 11, 2006
Should I Tell Him How I Feel?
Dear Guidance Guy,
I think I'm in love with my best guy friend. We're graduating elementary school this year and headed to different high schools. I don't want to leave with any regrets, but I also don't want to lose the friendship. I had my mind set for a long time on telling him at the end of the year, but then my friend told me I shouldn't tell him, because then if he doesn't feel the same way the friendship will be weird and it will just deteriorate.
I really don't want to leave without knowing how he feels but I really don't want to get hurt or lose the friendship either. What should I do?
Signed,
Confused
*****
Dear Confused,
This is an age old problem, especially for your age group. There are a couple of things you're doing here that you should think about changing.
What made you decide to tell your friend at the end of the school year? Was it because you weren't worried about seeing him over the summer? When you decide you will do something uncomfortable at a certain date or time, you get all kinds of stress before you do it. That may be OK if it's something you're doing by yourself, but it will make it very difficult to communicate the way you want to.
And if you've read any of my past advice columns about getting romantic advice from friends, you know how bad an idea I think that is. Friends - even well meaning friends - don't have anymore experience than you do. It's almost like copying test answers from a kid who isn't as smart as you are (or has a different test).
Let's get to your problem...in this case I think your friend is right. There is a real chance the friendship will get "weirded out" if you spill your guts about how you feel. There are better ways to let him know. You can get him flowers or some other kind of present at graduation and see how he reacts. If he doesn't take the hint, you've never told him how you feel.
Here's another idea: go out with him during the weekend...just the two of you. No need to call it a date, but go somewhere like a movie, where if things go well between the two of you, it will come naturally. Don't be too disappointed if nothing happens yet. Most guys his age aren't thinking about serious relationships. Either way, enjoy a good friend.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I think I'm in love with my best guy friend. We're graduating elementary school this year and headed to different high schools. I don't want to leave with any regrets, but I also don't want to lose the friendship. I had my mind set for a long time on telling him at the end of the year, but then my friend told me I shouldn't tell him, because then if he doesn't feel the same way the friendship will be weird and it will just deteriorate.
I really don't want to leave without knowing how he feels but I really don't want to get hurt or lose the friendship either. What should I do?
Signed,
Confused
*****
Dear Confused,
This is an age old problem, especially for your age group. There are a couple of things you're doing here that you should think about changing.
What made you decide to tell your friend at the end of the school year? Was it because you weren't worried about seeing him over the summer? When you decide you will do something uncomfortable at a certain date or time, you get all kinds of stress before you do it. That may be OK if it's something you're doing by yourself, but it will make it very difficult to communicate the way you want to.
And if you've read any of my past advice columns about getting romantic advice from friends, you know how bad an idea I think that is. Friends - even well meaning friends - don't have anymore experience than you do. It's almost like copying test answers from a kid who isn't as smart as you are (or has a different test).
Let's get to your problem...in this case I think your friend is right. There is a real chance the friendship will get "weirded out" if you spill your guts about how you feel. There are better ways to let him know. You can get him flowers or some other kind of present at graduation and see how he reacts. If he doesn't take the hint, you've never told him how you feel.
Here's another idea: go out with him during the weekend...just the two of you. No need to call it a date, but go somewhere like a movie, where if things go well between the two of you, it will come naturally. Don't be too disappointed if nothing happens yet. Most guys his age aren't thinking about serious relationships. Either way, enjoy a good friend.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
