Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Moms In The Middle
Dear Guidance Guy,
My friend's mom told my mom a year ago that he liked me, and my mom told me. It was a little obvious since he'd never really wanted to talk to me before, and he talked to me ALL the time. Back then, he was a little shy & sort of an outcast, so I felt sorry for him. I slowly became his friend, but we never really became super close.
But then he changed. Now, a year later, he hangs out with EVERYONE. The football freaks, the skaters, and even the popular girls. A couple months ago, I was curious to see if he still liked me, so I mentioned to him that one guy was hot. After that, he just stopped talking to me, and hung out more and more with a popular girl that I truly hated, even though he knew she was taken. I was scared that I might have made him jealous, and I told my friends, who asked him if he was mad.
I felt awful that our friendship was damaged, and suddenly the pity inside me turned into liking him. I kept this from my friends for a while. However, one day we were over at a mutual friend's house, and I was curious to see if he liked any of the popular girls (one of which was the one I hated) and stupidly asked him so. He said no though, and I felt sad. I told him what his mom said about him, and he denied it. Since he's a bit clueless, I don't think he took a hint, but I can't be sure. Since then, our parents have become even better friends, and Ive liked him even more. But the guy's kind of a loser, and I'm ashamed of liking him. My friends found out I like him, and I also made the mistake of telling them I was considering asking him out. A few days ago he, my guy friend, and my best friend were over. I made my best friend ask him out for me, and he said he wasn't sure. And today, my other friends were asking him, Yes or No? Yes or No? He said no.
I feel so horrible that I ruined our friendship, that he said no, and that I didn't ask him out myself. Worse, my friend (who's also like his best guy friend) told me ths guy STILL likes me! I dont know who to believe anymore. Should I ask him out myself? Is our friendship ruined? Please help me, because I don't think I've ever liked anyone this much before.
Sincerely,
Confused & Humiliated
*****
Dear C. & H.
There's a lesson for everyone here...NEVER have someone else do your work for you in a relationship. Don't have anyone else ask questions for you that you should be asking yourself. Don't have friends scout things out for you.
With all due respect to your mom and his mom, they need to stay out of your love lives. This is something that kids need to figure out how to do themselves. In my opinion, as soon as the parents got involved the relationship was doomed. Most likely the friendship was doomed also because of all the tension about how you felt about each other. Sorry to be the one who gives you the bad news.
You seem to be very confused about how you feel about this guy. It's your choice, but from what I see you like the idea of the "forbidden guy" more than you like the guy himself. Anyone you're "ashamed" of liking is not the right person. I think you'll do better finding someone who doesn't have all this background stuff getting in the way. Maybe at some point - when this incident is a distant memory - you'll be able to see each other differently.
Meanwhile, be careful about what you share with your mom. And keep your friends out of your love life!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
My friend's mom told my mom a year ago that he liked me, and my mom told me. It was a little obvious since he'd never really wanted to talk to me before, and he talked to me ALL the time. Back then, he was a little shy & sort of an outcast, so I felt sorry for him. I slowly became his friend, but we never really became super close.
But then he changed. Now, a year later, he hangs out with EVERYONE. The football freaks, the skaters, and even the popular girls. A couple months ago, I was curious to see if he still liked me, so I mentioned to him that one guy was hot. After that, he just stopped talking to me, and hung out more and more with a popular girl that I truly hated, even though he knew she was taken. I was scared that I might have made him jealous, and I told my friends, who asked him if he was mad.
I felt awful that our friendship was damaged, and suddenly the pity inside me turned into liking him. I kept this from my friends for a while. However, one day we were over at a mutual friend's house, and I was curious to see if he liked any of the popular girls (one of which was the one I hated) and stupidly asked him so. He said no though, and I felt sad. I told him what his mom said about him, and he denied it. Since he's a bit clueless, I don't think he took a hint, but I can't be sure. Since then, our parents have become even better friends, and Ive liked him even more. But the guy's kind of a loser, and I'm ashamed of liking him. My friends found out I like him, and I also made the mistake of telling them I was considering asking him out. A few days ago he, my guy friend, and my best friend were over. I made my best friend ask him out for me, and he said he wasn't sure. And today, my other friends were asking him, Yes or No? Yes or No? He said no.
I feel so horrible that I ruined our friendship, that he said no, and that I didn't ask him out myself. Worse, my friend (who's also like his best guy friend) told me ths guy STILL likes me! I dont know who to believe anymore. Should I ask him out myself? Is our friendship ruined? Please help me, because I don't think I've ever liked anyone this much before.
Sincerely,
Confused & Humiliated
*****
Dear C. & H.
There's a lesson for everyone here...NEVER have someone else do your work for you in a relationship. Don't have anyone else ask questions for you that you should be asking yourself. Don't have friends scout things out for you.
With all due respect to your mom and his mom, they need to stay out of your love lives. This is something that kids need to figure out how to do themselves. In my opinion, as soon as the parents got involved the relationship was doomed. Most likely the friendship was doomed also because of all the tension about how you felt about each other. Sorry to be the one who gives you the bad news.
You seem to be very confused about how you feel about this guy. It's your choice, but from what I see you like the idea of the "forbidden guy" more than you like the guy himself. Anyone you're "ashamed" of liking is not the right person. I think you'll do better finding someone who doesn't have all this background stuff getting in the way. Maybe at some point - when this incident is a distant memory - you'll be able to see each other differently.
Meanwhile, be careful about what you share with your mom. And keep your friends out of your love life!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
