Friday, February 03, 2006
A Yo-Yo Between Parents
Dear Guidance Guy,
My problem is my parents. They got divorced four years ago and they still fight about money. My father says he doesn't have enough money to pay child support and my mom keeps telling me she's going to have him arrested if he doesn't pay. He says he doesn't have the money so I had to stop taking tennis on the weekends. He hasn't had a job in a long time but he just got back from vacation. My mom told me to talk with him about it, but he got real mad when I did.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my father get in trouble but I don't want to be poor either. What should I do?
Worried
*****
Dear Worried,
There is very little can - or should be - doing in this situation. This is a time for the grown ups around you to act like adults.
I don't have any idea about your family's financial situation. What I do know is that it is an issue between your mother and father. If your father is supposed to pay child support and isn't, your mother has choices. Just about every state has a child support enforcment department through the court system. If your father is behind, she can use the system to enforce the law. That is your father's responsibility.
It is your mother's and father's responsibility to keep the disagreement they have about money between the two of them. You have no place in this discussion. Your mom should not be telling you to ask about these payments. And your father should keep this between the two of them as well. Right now you sound like a yo-yo...going back and forth between two parents who haven't figured out how to resolve their differences.
I compliment you for wanting to make things better. The best thing you can do for both parents is let them work out adult situations like adults. The longer they take to resolve this, the angrier they become. They both need to take action to fix this problem. You are not the answer. Please remember that. The best thing you can do for yourself (and them) is to take care of YOU. I'm sure both of them want you to be happy. Even if you don't have weekend tennis lessons, there are still lots of ways to have fun.
Good Luck,
The Guidance Guy
My problem is my parents. They got divorced four years ago and they still fight about money. My father says he doesn't have enough money to pay child support and my mom keeps telling me she's going to have him arrested if he doesn't pay. He says he doesn't have the money so I had to stop taking tennis on the weekends. He hasn't had a job in a long time but he just got back from vacation. My mom told me to talk with him about it, but he got real mad when I did.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my father get in trouble but I don't want to be poor either. What should I do?
Worried
*****
Dear Worried,
There is very little can - or should be - doing in this situation. This is a time for the grown ups around you to act like adults.
I don't have any idea about your family's financial situation. What I do know is that it is an issue between your mother and father. If your father is supposed to pay child support and isn't, your mother has choices. Just about every state has a child support enforcment department through the court system. If your father is behind, she can use the system to enforce the law. That is your father's responsibility.
It is your mother's and father's responsibility to keep the disagreement they have about money between the two of them. You have no place in this discussion. Your mom should not be telling you to ask about these payments. And your father should keep this between the two of them as well. Right now you sound like a yo-yo...going back and forth between two parents who haven't figured out how to resolve their differences.
I compliment you for wanting to make things better. The best thing you can do for both parents is let them work out adult situations like adults. The longer they take to resolve this, the angrier they become. They both need to take action to fix this problem. You are not the answer. Please remember that. The best thing you can do for yourself (and them) is to take care of YOU. I'm sure both of them want you to be happy. Even if you don't have weekend tennis lessons, there are still lots of ways to have fun.
Good Luck,
The Guidance Guy
