Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Special Report: Forced Listening at The Dentist's Office
Recently I made a visit to the dentist for a cleaning and examination.
Not bad...actually got a good report.
I only had about five minutes with the dentist herself; the rest of the time was spent with the hygienist who does the cleaning.
Janet is a lovely woman, with two children she tells me all about every time I go in there. One is in high school, the other in college. She knows I'm The Guidance Guy. So she'll tell me lots of things about her kids, lots of things about education, and a few things about health and nutrition; some of which I agree with and some I don't.
I guess something happens when you spend much of your working time having conversations with people who can't respond because you have your hands inside their mouths...you tend to start dominating the conversation.
And while I know how to be quiet, I also know that when the conversation focuses on something I know a lot about, I feel the urge to sound off. Janet speaks freely on issues that inspire me to answer.
But I can't...she has her fingers inside my mouth!
So Janet is working on me and chatting away, and I'm practically jumping out of my skin because I want to answer back. It's not that I disagree with what she says. Most of it is good common sense.
As my toes clench in my shoes with the desire to talk, I come to realize that it's more about me wanting to spout off than actually wanting to respond to her.
It's not about helping Janet. It's about my ego.
When you talk with people, how much is really communicating with them and being interested in what they say versus how much you can assert your own expertise on the issue at hand?
My favorite conversation choreography... two people yapping back and forth about whatever is happening in their lives at that particular moment.
And as each talks, the other waits patiently for their turn so THEY can talk about their current events.
No dialog takes place, yet each gets a turn to talk and pretend to listen. Everyone's happy (sort of).
So I come to realize that my desire to talk with Janet is more to validate my own ego than to actually listen to her.
And I resolve to be a better listener and to care more about the issues of others.
And that's a good piece of information to have about oneself...even if it's learned with a potentially painful instrument held to one's gums.
And when I get out of the chair, I suppress the desire to say everything that's been on my mind...knowing that the art of listening makes one a much more valuable person.
And knowing that in a few months, I'll be right back in that chair!
Not bad...actually got a good report.
I only had about five minutes with the dentist herself; the rest of the time was spent with the hygienist who does the cleaning.
Janet is a lovely woman, with two children she tells me all about every time I go in there. One is in high school, the other in college. She knows I'm The Guidance Guy. So she'll tell me lots of things about her kids, lots of things about education, and a few things about health and nutrition; some of which I agree with and some I don't.
I guess something happens when you spend much of your working time having conversations with people who can't respond because you have your hands inside their mouths...you tend to start dominating the conversation.
And while I know how to be quiet, I also know that when the conversation focuses on something I know a lot about, I feel the urge to sound off. Janet speaks freely on issues that inspire me to answer.
But I can't...she has her fingers inside my mouth!
So Janet is working on me and chatting away, and I'm practically jumping out of my skin because I want to answer back. It's not that I disagree with what she says. Most of it is good common sense.
As my toes clench in my shoes with the desire to talk, I come to realize that it's more about me wanting to spout off than actually wanting to respond to her.
It's not about helping Janet. It's about my ego.
When you talk with people, how much is really communicating with them and being interested in what they say versus how much you can assert your own expertise on the issue at hand?
My favorite conversation choreography... two people yapping back and forth about whatever is happening in their lives at that particular moment.
And as each talks, the other waits patiently for their turn so THEY can talk about their current events.
No dialog takes place, yet each gets a turn to talk and pretend to listen. Everyone's happy (sort of).
So I come to realize that my desire to talk with Janet is more to validate my own ego than to actually listen to her.
And I resolve to be a better listener and to care more about the issues of others.
And that's a good piece of information to have about oneself...even if it's learned with a potentially painful instrument held to one's gums.
And when I get out of the chair, I suppress the desire to say everything that's been on my mind...knowing that the art of listening makes one a much more valuable person.
And knowing that in a few months, I'll be right back in that chair!
