Friday, February 17, 2006
Playing Favorites
Dear Guidance Guy,
I have a meeting with my daughter's 5th grade teacher this week. I have decided that it's time that I talk to her about my daughter's (and my) feelings towards her classroom atmosphere. She has been playing favorites since the beginning ofthe year. My daughter is very sensitive and she noticed it immediately. I calmed her fears and tried to get her to focus only on herself and her relationship with her teacher. But this has become impossible because the favoritism has seeped into my daughter's respect for her teacher. My daughter hates school now. She becomes physically ill every Monday morning. The time has come for me to speakup. Please give me advice on how to word my concerns.
Thank you,
A Concerned Parent
*****
Dear Concerned,
The first thing I felt when reading your letter is the emotions of a ten or eleven year old girl who would normally love school but now dreads going. This is a very powerful image, and I would imagine it would impact her teacher. So one thing I would suggest (without knowing anything else about this woman) is to describe in detail how your daughter's enjoyment of school and sense of self-worth is being affected. Paint a picture without being judgemental. Be specific about what behaviors on the teacher's part are contributing to your daughter's feelings. But a person who became a teacher because they love kids will be affected by learning how her behavior is hurting one of her students.
Now what I just said to you assumes that the teacher is emotionally mature and aware of how her behavior affects her students. She may be too inexperienced to appreciate these elements. And she could just be a plain old bad teacher. And it's possible that you and/or your daughter are overly sensitive or misreading the situation. Like I said...I'm not there. But assuming the teacher is competent and not too defensive (and you aren't too angry with the situation) you should be able to put your heads together and come up with a way to make this work. Challenge the behaviors, not the person.
If it seems as if the teacher is unaware or unwilling to address the issue in a constructive way, you can bring your concerns to the school's principal with a clear conscience. I would keep this as a last resort, since it's likely that she will keep this teacher for the remainder of the year and you don't want anymore tension that already exists.
Hope That Helps,
The Guidance Guy
I have a meeting with my daughter's 5th grade teacher this week. I have decided that it's time that I talk to her about my daughter's (and my) feelings towards her classroom atmosphere. She has been playing favorites since the beginning ofthe year. My daughter is very sensitive and she noticed it immediately. I calmed her fears and tried to get her to focus only on herself and her relationship with her teacher. But this has become impossible because the favoritism has seeped into my daughter's respect for her teacher. My daughter hates school now. She becomes physically ill every Monday morning. The time has come for me to speakup. Please give me advice on how to word my concerns.
Thank you,
A Concerned Parent
*****
Dear Concerned,
The first thing I felt when reading your letter is the emotions of a ten or eleven year old girl who would normally love school but now dreads going. This is a very powerful image, and I would imagine it would impact her teacher. So one thing I would suggest (without knowing anything else about this woman) is to describe in detail how your daughter's enjoyment of school and sense of self-worth is being affected. Paint a picture without being judgemental. Be specific about what behaviors on the teacher's part are contributing to your daughter's feelings. But a person who became a teacher because they love kids will be affected by learning how her behavior is hurting one of her students.
Now what I just said to you assumes that the teacher is emotionally mature and aware of how her behavior affects her students. She may be too inexperienced to appreciate these elements. And she could just be a plain old bad teacher. And it's possible that you and/or your daughter are overly sensitive or misreading the situation. Like I said...I'm not there. But assuming the teacher is competent and not too defensive (and you aren't too angry with the situation) you should be able to put your heads together and come up with a way to make this work. Challenge the behaviors, not the person.
If it seems as if the teacher is unaware or unwilling to address the issue in a constructive way, you can bring your concerns to the school's principal with a clear conscience. I would keep this as a last resort, since it's likely that she will keep this teacher for the remainder of the year and you don't want anymore tension that already exists.
Hope That Helps,
The Guidance Guy
