Sunday, February 26, 2006
Is this abuse?
Dear Guidance Guy,
I am a parent of a second grader. He is a special needs student with a speech delay. Since the beginning of the school year my son has been complaining about his special ed teacher. It's not about homework or school work. And it's sort of hard to understand what he is trying to tell us because he is a really innocent seven year old. He doesn't know about sex or anything. But more recently he does not want to go to school. He'll say that he wants to switch schools. He says that his teacher is a monster, and that he spits on him. Or that his teacher put his mouth on his head, and he told his teacher that he did not like it, but he did it anyway.
A couple of weeks ago my son peed on himself at school. The nurse called me and we were going to take him to the doctor because my son told her that he was hurting down there, (he had never peed on himself before). I was on my way out the door when his Special Education teacher called me and told me that my son was O.K. and that he was only hurting because he peed on himself and that he did not need to go to the doctor. I went to the school and my son said he was OK.
Yesterday my son said that the monster (his teacher) made him drink from the fountain, and that he did not want to but the teacher made him. He told his teacher that it was salty and his teacher told him to swallow it and again he said swallow it. I asked him where was the fountain. Was it in the hallway? He said no it is in the classroom. He begged me not to make him go to the school again.
My son has two classes with this teacher one class is one on one. My son says the door is always closed. and that he is scared. My husband and I aren't sure what we should do. We don't know if this teacher is hurting him or not. But my son is clearly terrified of him. Should I consult other teachers or parents, call the counselor, go straight to the principal? Like I said my son has a hard time communicating so it's really hard to get all the facts from him.
What do you think I should do?
Scared Mother
*****
Dear Scared,
I don't know anything for certain, but what you are describing is a boy who may be experiencing sexual abuse. As I'm sure you're aware, all of the things your child describes are metaphors for sexual abuse. No need to be graphic...I'm sure you can figure them out.
What you must do immediately is let the school principal know what is occuring. Be specific about what your son is saying to you. And be specific about the urinating on himself. If it helps, print this letter out and share it with him/her.
You also need to bring your son to his pediatrician. I am very concerned that his teacher would tell you your son doesn't need to go to the doctor. Teachers - particualarly special education teachers - are trained not to make medical judgements, since they aren't qualified to do so. Telling you your son doesn't need to go to the doctor isn't appropriate.
You are describing behaviors that in most states would require a call to the state's child protection agency. Your child's teacher, school nurse and principal are all required to share this information with this agency, who will then conduct an investigation. I suggest you watch one of these people make this phone call. If they do not, you must do so yourself. If all else fails, call your local police and let them know what is happening.
Your son's special education needs may make it difficult for him to express his needs, but he has the same rights to safety and a good education as any other student. Please follow through on this...your son needs you.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I am a parent of a second grader. He is a special needs student with a speech delay. Since the beginning of the school year my son has been complaining about his special ed teacher. It's not about homework or school work. And it's sort of hard to understand what he is trying to tell us because he is a really innocent seven year old. He doesn't know about sex or anything. But more recently he does not want to go to school. He'll say that he wants to switch schools. He says that his teacher is a monster, and that he spits on him. Or that his teacher put his mouth on his head, and he told his teacher that he did not like it, but he did it anyway.
A couple of weeks ago my son peed on himself at school. The nurse called me and we were going to take him to the doctor because my son told her that he was hurting down there, (he had never peed on himself before). I was on my way out the door when his Special Education teacher called me and told me that my son was O.K. and that he was only hurting because he peed on himself and that he did not need to go to the doctor. I went to the school and my son said he was OK.
Yesterday my son said that the monster (his teacher) made him drink from the fountain, and that he did not want to but the teacher made him. He told his teacher that it was salty and his teacher told him to swallow it and again he said swallow it. I asked him where was the fountain. Was it in the hallway? He said no it is in the classroom. He begged me not to make him go to the school again.
My son has two classes with this teacher one class is one on one. My son says the door is always closed. and that he is scared. My husband and I aren't sure what we should do. We don't know if this teacher is hurting him or not. But my son is clearly terrified of him. Should I consult other teachers or parents, call the counselor, go straight to the principal? Like I said my son has a hard time communicating so it's really hard to get all the facts from him.
What do you think I should do?
Scared Mother
*****
Dear Scared,
I don't know anything for certain, but what you are describing is a boy who may be experiencing sexual abuse. As I'm sure you're aware, all of the things your child describes are metaphors for sexual abuse. No need to be graphic...I'm sure you can figure them out.
What you must do immediately is let the school principal know what is occuring. Be specific about what your son is saying to you. And be specific about the urinating on himself. If it helps, print this letter out and share it with him/her.
You also need to bring your son to his pediatrician. I am very concerned that his teacher would tell you your son doesn't need to go to the doctor. Teachers - particualarly special education teachers - are trained not to make medical judgements, since they aren't qualified to do so. Telling you your son doesn't need to go to the doctor isn't appropriate.
You are describing behaviors that in most states would require a call to the state's child protection agency. Your child's teacher, school nurse and principal are all required to share this information with this agency, who will then conduct an investigation. I suggest you watch one of these people make this phone call. If they do not, you must do so yourself. If all else fails, call your local police and let them know what is happening.
Your son's special education needs may make it difficult for him to express his needs, but he has the same rights to safety and a good education as any other student. Please follow through on this...your son needs you.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
