Monday, February 20, 2006
Girl Needs Help
Dear Guidance Guy,
My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and got a new one and now he's threatening to kill her and her boyfriend as well. I just want to be able to help her, but there's not much I can really do since I'm over 1,000 miles away. My best friend is a terrific person who really cares about her friends, she's like my sister from another mister since I don't actually have a sister. I try my best to help her out in anyway I can, but the only thing I can do is tell her to call the cops. I have been talking to him on AIM and I'm going to start printing out our conversations and mail them to her and stuff.
But, I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how do I help out a friend while I'm so far away? If I had a car and my license, I'd drive down right now to make sure hedidn't do anything to harm her, but I'm just at a loss. I'm so scared that I could cry at any moment. If anything happened to her, I'd be lost.
Sincerely,
A Worried Friend
*****
Dear Worried,
If your friend is being threatened by this guy and she isn't calling the police (or telling her parents) it's because she doesn't see herself as worthy of being protected. There isn't anything you can directly do about that. Driving 1000 miles and getting in the way of a violent guy won't stop the mental and emotional process that causes her to not respect herself. All it will do is put you in harm's way.
The long term solution is for your friend to see herself as someone who is worthy of being treated with respect. You can help by listening to her and being truthful. But this is her journey to take - alone.
Short term, I would print these out the conversations and make sure they get into the hands of her parents, without her having a chance to get them first. See if you can send them to her mother's or father's work address, or someplace else where you know they'll be received. This will cause a lot of pain on everyone's part and you may lose her friendship. But you may also save her life, and that of an innocent boyfriend.
Good Luck,
The Guidance Guy
My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and got a new one and now he's threatening to kill her and her boyfriend as well. I just want to be able to help her, but there's not much I can really do since I'm over 1,000 miles away. My best friend is a terrific person who really cares about her friends, she's like my sister from another mister since I don't actually have a sister. I try my best to help her out in anyway I can, but the only thing I can do is tell her to call the cops. I have been talking to him on AIM and I'm going to start printing out our conversations and mail them to her and stuff.
But, I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how do I help out a friend while I'm so far away? If I had a car and my license, I'd drive down right now to make sure hedidn't do anything to harm her, but I'm just at a loss. I'm so scared that I could cry at any moment. If anything happened to her, I'd be lost.
Sincerely,
A Worried Friend
*****
Dear Worried,
If your friend is being threatened by this guy and she isn't calling the police (or telling her parents) it's because she doesn't see herself as worthy of being protected. There isn't anything you can directly do about that. Driving 1000 miles and getting in the way of a violent guy won't stop the mental and emotional process that causes her to not respect herself. All it will do is put you in harm's way.
The long term solution is for your friend to see herself as someone who is worthy of being treated with respect. You can help by listening to her and being truthful. But this is her journey to take - alone.
Short term, I would print these out the conversations and make sure they get into the hands of her parents, without her having a chance to get them first. See if you can send them to her mother's or father's work address, or someplace else where you know they'll be received. This will cause a lot of pain on everyone's part and you may lose her friendship. But you may also save her life, and that of an innocent boyfriend.
Good Luck,
The Guidance Guy
