Thursday, December 22, 2005
Love or Infatuation?
Dear Guidance Guy,
I can't stop thinking about someone I met. I mean every day...for months. Doesthat mean I'm in love with him? It is hard to focus on school (though my gradesare great). And I don't know if he feels the same way. Is it out of place to askhim if he feels the same way so I can deal with whatever the outcome is?
Help,
Jean
*****
Dear Jean,
Before you decide whether or not to ask him if he feels the same way, decide how it is that YOU feel. If this is the first guy you've felt this way about, it's probably infatuation. That doesn't mean it isn't fun or wonderful.
Love is a funny word. It means different things to different people. The definition I like is when someone else's happiness is very important for your own. Is this how you feel about this guy? If you don't like that definition, try one that works for you!
If you walk up to him and ask if he can't stop thinking about you - the same way you feel about him - you'll probably scare him off. If you want to give the relationship a chance to grow (and find out more about how you really feel about him) do little things to get closer to him. Study together, IM each other, do fun stuff on the weekend...be kids together! Let things work in their own way and their own time. (Hint: guys love when girls bake them cookies.)
As you get to know each other better, things will heat up or cool down naturally. Doesn't that sound like more fun than "dealing with an outcome?"
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I can't stop thinking about someone I met. I mean every day...for months. Doesthat mean I'm in love with him? It is hard to focus on school (though my gradesare great). And I don't know if he feels the same way. Is it out of place to askhim if he feels the same way so I can deal with whatever the outcome is?
Help,
Jean
*****
Dear Jean,
Before you decide whether or not to ask him if he feels the same way, decide how it is that YOU feel. If this is the first guy you've felt this way about, it's probably infatuation. That doesn't mean it isn't fun or wonderful.
Love is a funny word. It means different things to different people. The definition I like is when someone else's happiness is very important for your own. Is this how you feel about this guy? If you don't like that definition, try one that works for you!
If you walk up to him and ask if he can't stop thinking about you - the same way you feel about him - you'll probably scare him off. If you want to give the relationship a chance to grow (and find out more about how you really feel about him) do little things to get closer to him. Study together, IM each other, do fun stuff on the weekend...be kids together! Let things work in their own way and their own time. (Hint: guys love when girls bake them cookies.)
As you get to know each other better, things will heat up or cool down naturally. Doesn't that sound like more fun than "dealing with an outcome?"
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
